Connecting Disability + Domestic and Sexual Violence
July is Disability Pride Month
Imagine living in a world where the very things that make you unique, your mobility, your communication, your thought process, your sensory experiences place you at a heightened risk of violence. For people with disabilities, this stark reality is not hypothetical; it's a daily concern they navigate.
July is Disability Pride Month, so we wanted to share these statistics that paint a sobering picture:
The connection between disability and domestic and sexual violence is complex and multi-faceted, fueled by several factors:
At RAVE, we create an accessible and welcoming environment that allows people with disabilities to gain the support they need. When a survivor comes in for services, we address their immediate needs to ensure they have everything they need while working or staying with us. It is our goal to approach everyone with compassion and patience and support all survivors with their right to self-determination. For survivors who cannot advocate for themselves, such as children and individuals who require a caregiver, guardian ad litem, or power of attorney, we strive for survivor involvement as much as possible while providing information and support to the individual acting on the survivor’s behalf.
It is unfortunate that individuals with disabilities are often taken advantage of and face additional hurdles in navigating an already complicated system, but at RAVE, we strive for everyone to leave our office feeling seen, heard and supported.
If you or someone you know needs support for domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking, call the 24/7 RAVE Crisis and Support Hot-Line at 1-800-720-7233.
July is Disability Pride Month, so we wanted to share these statistics that paint a sobering picture:
- People with disabilities are twice as likely to experience violent crime compared to their non-disabled peers.
- 80% of women with disabilities have been sexually assaulted, and they experience intimate partner violence at a rate 40% higher than non-disabled women.
- disability graphics 1Men with disabilities are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted than men without disabilities.
- Children with disabilities are almost twice as likely to be sexually abused.
The connection between disability and domestic and sexual violence is complex and multi-faceted, fueled by several factors:
- Power Imbalances: Disabilities can create power imbalances within relationships, making individuals more vulnerable to manipulation and control. Perpetrators may exploit physical dependence, reliance on communication support, or financial dependence to exert dominance.
- Attitudes and Stereotypes: Negative attitudes and stereotypes about disability portraying individuals as weak, dependent, or childlike can normalize abuse and make it harder for victims to seek help. This societal bias often results in victim blaming and inadequate support systems.
- Limited Support Networks: Social isolation, often experienced by individuals with disabilities, can limit access to safe spaces and trusted confidantes, leaving victims trapped in abusive situations.
At RAVE, we create an accessible and welcoming environment that allows people with disabilities to gain the support they need. When a survivor comes in for services, we address their immediate needs to ensure they have everything they need while working or staying with us. It is our goal to approach everyone with compassion and patience and support all survivors with their right to self-determination. For survivors who cannot advocate for themselves, such as children and individuals who require a caregiver, guardian ad litem, or power of attorney, we strive for survivor involvement as much as possible while providing information and support to the individual acting on the survivor’s behalf.
It is unfortunate that individuals with disabilities are often taken advantage of and face additional hurdles in navigating an already complicated system, but at RAVE, we strive for everyone to leave our office feeling seen, heard and supported.
If you or someone you know needs support for domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking, call the 24/7 RAVE Crisis and Support Hot-Line at 1-800-720-7233.
Domestic Violence Among LGBTQ+ Partners Just as Prevalent
No group seems to escape domestic abuse
By Hannah Craig
It’s common to hear domestic violence spoken about in heterosexual, cis-gender terms, but statistics show that abuse occurs in the same frequency and severity among the LGBTQ+ community. Unfortunately, LGBTQ+ domestic violence is immensely underreported, unacknowledged or not reported as domestic abuse because of fear of homophobia, transphobia or sexism.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, two out of every five gay and bisexual men are victims of abusive partners, comparable to the number of heterosexual women who endure domestic violence. The Coalition also found that 50 percent of lesbian women have experienced or will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. In one survey, 44 percent of victims of LBGTQ domestic violence identified as men while 36 percent identified as women. The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that more than half (54 percent) of transgender and non-binary respondents had experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.
It’s common to hear domestic violence spoken about in heterosexual, cis-gender terms, but statistics show that abuse occurs in the same frequency and severity among the LGBTQ+ community. Unfortunately, LGBTQ+ domestic violence is immensely underreported, unacknowledged or not reported as domestic abuse because of fear of homophobia, transphobia or sexism.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, two out of every five gay and bisexual men are victims of abusive partners, comparable to the number of heterosexual women who endure domestic violence. The Coalition also found that 50 percent of lesbian women have experienced or will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. In one survey, 44 percent of victims of LBGTQ domestic violence identified as men while 36 percent identified as women. The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that more than half (54 percent) of transgender and non-binary respondents had experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetimes.
Five Ways Domestic Violence is Different for LGBTQ+ Victims
Most abusers follow the same “playbook,” which is often demonstrated as the Power and Control Wheel. While many of the same actions such as destroying the victim’s self-esteem or isolating victims from friends and family are just as prevalent among LGBTQ+ abusers, there are unique methods of abuse that these abusers will use to exert power and control over their victims.
1. Threatening to out you.
Many LGBTQ+ people remain closeted for important reasons; maybe they live in an area where it’s physically dangerous for them to be open about their sexuality or gender expression. They may risk losing their job or other financial support. Some may even just be taking their own time to decide how and when to come out, which is a deeply personal decision. Being forced to come out or being “outed” is a threat abusers use to keep control over their victims by reminding them the abuser holds important, potentially dangerous information over their head.
2. Using looks, actions, gestures to reinforce homophobic, biphobic or transphobic control and questioning if you are a “real” lesbian, “real” man, “real’’ woman, “real” femme, “real” butch, etc.
It’s common to see abusers in the media portrayed as yelling, screaming or being physically violent. These methods of abuse are certainly real and prevalent. But abusers can also be extremely subtle in their methods of exerting power and control over their victims. LGBTQ+ individuals are often sensitive to subtle signs of bigotry, which abusers exploit. For example, an abuser may gaslight their victim and attack their identity by saying they’re “acting too swishy” or “don’t pass for a real woman.” These forms of abuse keep the victim feeling indebted to the abuser for recognizing their identity (even in an unhealthy way) and isolated from the rest of the LGBTQ+ community with fear of not being “real” enough to be a member.
3. Saying no one will believe you, especially not if you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans and using privilege or ability to “pass” to discredit you, put you in danger, cut off your access to resources or use the system against you.
The LGBTQ+ community has encountered significant historical and modern discrimination, intimidation and oppression by law enforcement and other institutions, which leads to many individuals hesitating to reach out for help. Abusers will leverage this well-documented institutionalized violence to continue to isolate victims, especially if the abuser has more “passing privilege” (ability to present as cis-gender and/or heterosexual) than their victim. Abusers in any situation, heterosexual, cisgender or LGBTQ+, are skilled at manipulating systems to their advantage and to the disadvantage of their victim. The fear of institutionalized reprisal or not being believed also leads to underreporting of LGBTQ+ domestic violence.
4. Saying women can't abuse women/men can't abuse men and reinforcing internalized homophobia, biphobia or transphobia.
Domestic violence is most often discussed and portrayed as a man abusing a woman. While this gendered view of domestic violence is valid and real, it doesn’t contain all the possibilities of abuse. Men, women, non-binary, genderqueer and transgender people can all be victims of domestic abuse. However, societal assumptions make it harder for some victims to be believed or recognize that they’re being abused.
Abusers will take advantage of these assumptions to further gaslight and emotionally control their victim. A male abuser may tell his boyfriend “Men fight equally” or a female abuser may tell her wife “Women can’t abuse women, only men do that.” Internalized hatred or discomfort (usually cultivated by discriminatory, bigoted or unsupportive communities) can even make LGBTQ+ victims feel like they “deserve” to be abused.
5. Threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans so they will take the children.
Abusers often use children as a tool to further exert power and control over their victim. In some areas, LGBTQ+ parents may not be allowed to have legal rights as a parent or guardian of their child, especially if they aren’t the biological parent or they’re not married to the child’s other parent. Even in areas where LGBTQ+ parents have legal protections, they may still struggle with a discriminatory system or not have access to resources to help them leverage their legal rights. An abuser might tell their victim “if you leave me, you’ll never see your child again.” This very real threat makes escaping domestic abuse a complex, almost impossible choice.
How Can LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Victims Get Help?
Anna Marjavi, program manager with Futures Without Violence, a national nonprofit aimed at advocacy to end violence against women, says LGBTQ+ domestic violence survivors often encounter barriers to finding help. “They may not be in an ‘out’ relationship. Their partner may even be threatening to out them. In rural and smaller communities, there may not be LGBTQ+ -specific programs to help them.”
Marjavi says that many LGBTQ+ individuals may also feel shame because their sexuality is not accepted or supported by the community. She says LGBTQ+ abuse survivors who feel this way should look outside their immediate area, town or community to find accepting programs around the country.
The find help search tool on DomesticShelters.org can help victims find programs serving the LGBTQ+ community. LGBTQ+ victims can also call the hotline for their state's coalition against domestic violence to find more resources. The National Domestic Violence Hotline also offers a 24/7 hotline (1-800-799-7233), live online chat, or text (text “START'' to 88788) support for domestic violence survivors.
It’s important for gay, lesbian, trans and other LGBTQ+ victims and survivors to realize they aren’t alone and that they don’t deserve to be abused. “A lot of times, it’s more about listening and breaking that sense of isolation that people feel. They should just know they’re not alone. There’s lots of people in similar situations,” says Marjavi.
LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Victim and Survivor Support Resources
Help is out there, and everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationship. To find support, safety plan, connect with other survivors or learn more about domestic violence, you may want to consider reaching out to one of these organizations.
L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual; Transgender Community Center (New York)
CenterLink, The Community of LGBTQ+ Centers
Community United Against Violence (CUAV)
FORGE, for transgender and non-binary survivors
LGBT National Help Center
National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging
The Network/La Red
The Mazzoni Center
Most abusers follow the same “playbook,” which is often demonstrated as the Power and Control Wheel. While many of the same actions such as destroying the victim’s self-esteem or isolating victims from friends and family are just as prevalent among LGBTQ+ abusers, there are unique methods of abuse that these abusers will use to exert power and control over their victims.
1. Threatening to out you.
Many LGBTQ+ people remain closeted for important reasons; maybe they live in an area where it’s physically dangerous for them to be open about their sexuality or gender expression. They may risk losing their job or other financial support. Some may even just be taking their own time to decide how and when to come out, which is a deeply personal decision. Being forced to come out or being “outed” is a threat abusers use to keep control over their victims by reminding them the abuser holds important, potentially dangerous information over their head.
2. Using looks, actions, gestures to reinforce homophobic, biphobic or transphobic control and questioning if you are a “real” lesbian, “real” man, “real’’ woman, “real” femme, “real” butch, etc.
It’s common to see abusers in the media portrayed as yelling, screaming or being physically violent. These methods of abuse are certainly real and prevalent. But abusers can also be extremely subtle in their methods of exerting power and control over their victims. LGBTQ+ individuals are often sensitive to subtle signs of bigotry, which abusers exploit. For example, an abuser may gaslight their victim and attack their identity by saying they’re “acting too swishy” or “don’t pass for a real woman.” These forms of abuse keep the victim feeling indebted to the abuser for recognizing their identity (even in an unhealthy way) and isolated from the rest of the LGBTQ+ community with fear of not being “real” enough to be a member.
3. Saying no one will believe you, especially not if you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans and using privilege or ability to “pass” to discredit you, put you in danger, cut off your access to resources or use the system against you.
The LGBTQ+ community has encountered significant historical and modern discrimination, intimidation and oppression by law enforcement and other institutions, which leads to many individuals hesitating to reach out for help. Abusers will leverage this well-documented institutionalized violence to continue to isolate victims, especially if the abuser has more “passing privilege” (ability to present as cis-gender and/or heterosexual) than their victim. Abusers in any situation, heterosexual, cisgender or LGBTQ+, are skilled at manipulating systems to their advantage and to the disadvantage of their victim. The fear of institutionalized reprisal or not being believed also leads to underreporting of LGBTQ+ domestic violence.
4. Saying women can't abuse women/men can't abuse men and reinforcing internalized homophobia, biphobia or transphobia.
Domestic violence is most often discussed and portrayed as a man abusing a woman. While this gendered view of domestic violence is valid and real, it doesn’t contain all the possibilities of abuse. Men, women, non-binary, genderqueer and transgender people can all be victims of domestic abuse. However, societal assumptions make it harder for some victims to be believed or recognize that they’re being abused.
Abusers will take advantage of these assumptions to further gaslight and emotionally control their victim. A male abuser may tell his boyfriend “Men fight equally” or a female abuser may tell her wife “Women can’t abuse women, only men do that.” Internalized hatred or discomfort (usually cultivated by discriminatory, bigoted or unsupportive communities) can even make LGBTQ+ victims feel like they “deserve” to be abused.
5. Threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans so they will take the children.
Abusers often use children as a tool to further exert power and control over their victim. In some areas, LGBTQ+ parents may not be allowed to have legal rights as a parent or guardian of their child, especially if they aren’t the biological parent or they’re not married to the child’s other parent. Even in areas where LGBTQ+ parents have legal protections, they may still struggle with a discriminatory system or not have access to resources to help them leverage their legal rights. An abuser might tell their victim “if you leave me, you’ll never see your child again.” This very real threat makes escaping domestic abuse a complex, almost impossible choice.
How Can LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Victims Get Help?
Anna Marjavi, program manager with Futures Without Violence, a national nonprofit aimed at advocacy to end violence against women, says LGBTQ+ domestic violence survivors often encounter barriers to finding help. “They may not be in an ‘out’ relationship. Their partner may even be threatening to out them. In rural and smaller communities, there may not be LGBTQ+ -specific programs to help them.”
Marjavi says that many LGBTQ+ individuals may also feel shame because their sexuality is not accepted or supported by the community. She says LGBTQ+ abuse survivors who feel this way should look outside their immediate area, town or community to find accepting programs around the country.
The find help search tool on DomesticShelters.org can help victims find programs serving the LGBTQ+ community. LGBTQ+ victims can also call the hotline for their state's coalition against domestic violence to find more resources. The National Domestic Violence Hotline also offers a 24/7 hotline (1-800-799-7233), live online chat, or text (text “START'' to 88788) support for domestic violence survivors.
It’s important for gay, lesbian, trans and other LGBTQ+ victims and survivors to realize they aren’t alone and that they don’t deserve to be abused. “A lot of times, it’s more about listening and breaking that sense of isolation that people feel. They should just know they’re not alone. There’s lots of people in similar situations,” says Marjavi.
LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Victim and Survivor Support Resources
Help is out there, and everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationship. To find support, safety plan, connect with other survivors or learn more about domestic violence, you may want to consider reaching out to one of these organizations.
L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual; Transgender Community Center (New York)
CenterLink, The Community of LGBTQ+ Centers
Community United Against Violence (CUAV)
FORGE, for transgender and non-binary survivors
LGBT National Help Center
National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging
The Network/La Red
The Mazzoni Center
75 Saves Lives
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Michigan Address Confidentiality Program
Michigan Crime Victim Compensation
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